The Boss

Hell Week

2009-08-27T14:27:00.003-04:00

The house has seemed very lonely the past few days. My days have been spent working and then going home and cleaning. I am doing everything possible, short of buying a new mattress and ripping up all of our carpeting, to get the pet dander allergens out of our apartment. Financially, this has been a huge stress on us. Having to pay two ER co-pays, and one DR visit co-pay in the same week, equals very expensive. Plus the prescriptions that Badass has gotten have set us back about $60, not to mention the over the counter meds he is taking. Don’t get me wrong, everything is worth it to have him healthy again, but this probably couldn’t have happened at a worse time.

Giving Stella up was probably one of the hardest things I have had to do. Granted we only had her for a week, but we bonded with her and were just starting to get her all settled. When we returned her to the Humane Society, the receptionist couldn’t have been more rude to me. I was already in hysterics crying when I walked through the doors, we had called ahead of time to let them know that we were bringing Stella back. I explained to them that my husband had an allergic reaction and had to be taken to the hospital, and that he was still having severe symptoms. So when I got there I expected them to be caring and supportive. The vet techs that came and took Stella back were just that. They gave me a hug and expressed how sorry they were and told me that they would make sure Stella got a good home, and wished Badass a quick recovery. When it came time to fill out the surrender paperwork, the receptionist had no empathy at all. While signing the paperwork I simply asked if since this was due to an unknown allergy if we would get any of our adoption fee back or if we could get a credit towards another pet, Ms. Bitchy Pants responded with,” PFFT, no! You’re just lucky you didn’t have to pay the puppy adoption fee like you were supposed to.” While I was crying that was how she talked to me. If I wasn’t so upset I probably would have jumped the counter and pummeled the bitch.

We had saved up to be able to get a dog and now that savings in gone along with the dog and a considerable amount of Badass’s health. Eventually we hope to get another dog, but not for a while. And now that we know that Badass is allergic, we will look for a low-dander or a “hypoallergenic” breed.

So, tell me internet, what have you done this week?

Answers From The Boss

2009-08-11T08:00:00.000-04:00

Thank you all for your questions. It was interesting to see some of the things you were wondering about. And now without ado, my answers.

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Notes From the Grove said... Describe your perfect day.

My perfect day would be sleeping in and having breakfast and coffee ready for me when I got up. Then spending the entire day outside under cloudless skies hiking. After getting home from said hike dinner would be ready for me and Badass and I would spend the evening watching a movie and reading while snuggled up on the couch.

For The Love Of Pictures said... 1. If you were creating a new holiday, what would you call it and what would it celebrate? 2. If someone made a film about your life, who would play you? 3. What is your favorite thing about being a blogger?

If I were creating a new holiday it would be called Filter Free Friday. On this day you could say whatever you wanted to whomever you wanted. Whether it is work or home. I understand that this might get some people in trouble, but I also think it would make a lot of people feel better. I might also add that on this day your employer cannot fire you for what you have said during the course of the day. Sometimes I feel that this is how I live my life already. And let me tell you, it does get me into trouble. But I’m honest to people about things and that is more important to me than making them feel better.

If a film were made about me I would have Natalie Portman play me. She is a brilliant actress and she is gorgeous. Only she would have to up her cup size a bit for it to be even remotely accurate.

Even though I blog, I still don’t consider myself a blogger. Maybe because of how infrequently I update. But what I like about it is if I have something that I am dealing with emotionally I can write a post and how it be dealt with. Its out in the open and if I want an unbiased reaction to it, I will get one. In the blogosphere it is all about getting a different perspective on things.

Aunt Becky said... What annoys you about other blogs?

Personally I hate really long posts. The time that I get to do my blog reading is at work during a 15 minute break. So when I come up to a blog that has a post that on paper would easily total 3-4 pages of single spaced size 10 font, I tend to skip over it and I might not remember to go back to it.

Moonspun said... All of us devout followers of your husband have heard the story of how you met and started dating. And we know alot about what He loves about You. Can you tell us 3-6 things that YOU love about HIM?

Badass and I have a very unique relationship. It is very much like being married to your best friend. We are interested in all the same things and have the same sick sense of humor. But when it comes right down to it the only right pairing of words I have ever found has been soul mate. We truly bring out the best in each other. But the things that I love the most about Badass are as follows:

We can be sitting on the couch watching TV or a movie and all I have to do is look at him, from that look he knows exactly what I want. “What type of tea?” He’ll ask.

I love how he’ll go with me to the animal shelter on a weekly basis because he knows how much I love it. Even though he knows that I always leave crying.

I love how he will explain something to me about technology, as if I know exactly what he is talking about. When I have no freaking clue what some of the words even mean.

And I love how he is instantly good at anything he puts his mind to. With writing a photography and music. He is my inspiration.

Sandy said... My question to Badass was about a photo.....would you? could you?

Here is the mug shot in question. Though I will warn you, this may be only photo you ever see of me. (I hate having my picture taken.)

Bee and Rose said... When you were a wee girl, what did you want to be when you "grew up?" Favorite memory with BAG? Do you and BAG have a special song?

When I was a little girl I wanted to be a Zoologist. I have been an animal lover since birth, so my mother says. I grew up on a farm and around tons of other farms. I was a member of my area 4-H (those not in the know, Google it. Its like a cool club for hicks, or kids of hicks rather.) The first time I ever when to the Zoo I was 6 years old and it was the one of the most memorable days of my life. I got to ride an elephant, pet a Zebra, hold a python, and even feed camel. For my birthday that summer I asked my parents for a book on zoology. After receiving the book and spending the next 5 years trying to decipher it, I decided that Zoology was not the career for me. Although my love for animals has always remained a constant in my life, I found out after reading said book, that zoology was a lot more about the science of animals and not so much about the animal itself. (And I suck at science.)

My favorite memory with Badass is probably when we took our first camping trip. It was our 6 month anniversary and I wanted to surprise him when he came down to my parents house to see me. So when he got there I had a tent, sleeping bags, and food for us to go on a camping trip. I remember sitting at the foot of the lake in our camp chairs, holding hands while the waves broke on the shore and just knowing that it felt right. Us together at that moment, I don’t think I have ever felt like I belonged anywhere as much as I did right at that moment with him by my side.

Our song is “Ain’t no Mountain High Enough.” I will elaborate in a later post as to how that came to be.

Daddy Files said... I heard you guys waited until you were married to have sex for the first time. I'm dying to know why, and how on Earth you guys managed it!

The waiting to have sex thing was my doing. Badass had already had sex before we had met but I hadn’t. Before I met him it just wasn’t something I was interested in doing. My only other serious boyfriend before him was a jerk who tried to pressure me into sleeping with him, so I made a promise to myself that I would wait until marriage. Not for any religious beliefs, because I have none. I figured if I met someone who I loved and loved me then they would respect the fact that I wanted to be married first. Badass was a saint and waited a year a half until we were married. And I love him even more for it. And waiting that long made it even more memorable.

Aunt Juicebox said... What do you look like?

Please see picture posted above.

Mrs. B said... All time favorite: book? TV show? Movie? Hairstyle?

Favorite book is J.D. Salinger’s Nine Stories. Read it when I was in junior high and have loved it even since. If you are looking for a story to really make you go “What the fuck?!” Read “A Perfect day for Bananafish.” It is one of the short stories comprised by Salinger in this book.

T.V. Show would have to be Gilmore Girls. I know, not what you were expecting. I can’t help myself, I love that show. Own all 7 seasons and have watched them numerous times.

Movie is easy. The Breakfast Club, hands down the best movie ever. Hearing of the death of John Hughes this past week was very sad for me. As I am a 80’s movie whore.

Hairstyle…I would have to say that as long as it is extremely low maintenance and out of my face that I am usually happy with that hairstyle.

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So there you have it. You asked and I answered. If anyone happened to miss commenting before this posted, please feel free to comment in the future and I will try to answer throughout upcoming posts.

Copy Cat

2009-08-06T13:36:00.000-04:00

In hopes of having something spark an idea for a post for me to write in the future, I am doing a copy-cat post of what Badass is doing today. Anything you want to know, nothing is off limits. I will return with answers in a post within the next few days.

Have fun with it, this is your one chance to be candid with you questions. I will be interested to see what you are curious about.

Monday

2009-07-10T14:55:00.001-04:00

So Monday was a day full of hell.

While I work I started having excruciating ovarian pains. They got to the point where I could no longer take it and had to have Badass come and bring me to the Hospital.

To give you a little bit of back story incase this is your first time here, I have PCOD (Poly Cystic Ovarian Disease), Endometriosis, and to top it all off a Uterine Polyp.

After waiting in the waiting room for upwards to two hours we were finally brought back to a room. But not a regular room. Oh no, that would just be too comfortable for the lady in severe pain. Let’s put her in the ENT (Ear, Nose, and Throat) room instead. This room had more scary posters, labels, and contraptions in it then a friggen “Saw” movie. After sitting in there for hours before a doctor even came in I started to wonder what they were going to use the Bayonet forceps on, considering my pain was coming from a non-ENT area. Then there was a poster of a dead baby, which wasn’t exactly calming my nerves.

Now here is a question for you? If someone comes into the ER crying, and complaining of severe pain, wouldn’t you offer them Tylenol or something? Me thinks so too! But alas, I was not. Five and a half hours of being in the ER and not once was I offered Tylenol, water, a heat pack, or anything. Instead, when the doctor came in the examine me and take down my symptoms I was given a FITTED SHEET to cover myself up with. Not a johnny, or a hospital gown. But a fricken SHEET! Then after that fiasco, when the nurse came in to bring me down to ultrasound she asked why I wasn’t wearing a Johnny and was still in my clothes ( minus my pants) with just a sheet covering my lap. I said because the Dr. said they did have anymore johnnys. She then reached up and opened a cabinet door that exposed easily two dozen johnnys. WTF?!?! I still don’t even know.

Long story short, the DR. thinks that my Endometriosis is back. Even though I just had surgery about six months ago to remove the endometrial masses I had. He sent me with a prescription for Vicodin for my pain and wants me to follow up with my DR. Which I don’t have yet since we recently moved. So all in all, Monday sucked.

The pain has since dissipated and I am mostly feeling okay. Now I get to have the fun time of picking out a new DR. Oh joy.

Regret

2009-06-29T13:20:00.000-04:00

As many of you know we have been moving for the better part of a month now. Yesterday we got everything situated. Well everything important anyways. It has been complete chaos for the past few weeks, walking into the apartment all you would see were boxes and storage bins. But now when you walk in you can see our kitchen all set up, my craft table, our new massive bookcase full of DVDs and our completely organized living room. It is a great feeling to know that you can find most of the things that you need.

After we were done organizing and such, I decided to go look through my jewelry and try to find a ring that I hadn’t seen in a while. It is a very special ring to me. It has been passed down in my family for three generations. A silver and turquoise ring with a small knick in the turquoise from my great grandmother when she was a girl. After much searching, I finally realized where I had put it, and I immediately started to cry. With the move we had some things that had been out in the rain that we threw away. Among them, a three tier storage unit that I forgot I had put some jewelry in. Not only did I throw out an heirloom ring that I am sure my mother will never forgive me for, but I also threw out a pair of earrings that Badass had given me our first Christmas together.

With getting everything set up yesterday and then realizing what I had done with the jewelry, it was so emotionally exhausted that I went into the bedroom and just started to bawl. I cried long and hard until my head throbbed and I felt as if there were no more tears to cry. Now here it is, Monday morning and I am sitting at work with sore sinuses and my head throbbing worse than if I had a hangover.

So tell me internet, what stupid thing have you done that you regret?

The Move

2009-06-19T10:13:00.000-04:00

The move is finally over but that doesn’t mean that we are anywhere close to being done. We have umpteen storage bins in the apartment and now that all of our stuff is in, it is becoming more and more obvious that we have easily decreased our living space by more than half. With that being said, as the unpacking process commences we will be getting rid of more of our stuff.

With this move I decided that since Badass and I have been living together for over four years and have been married for three, it was time to be grownups and stop living on all the hand-me-downs of dishes, towels, blankets, sheets, silverware, and cookware that we have been using for the past four years. (Holy run-on sentence, Batman!) So once we finished moving everything in last week, I persuaded Badass to come with me to get a new comforter set, sheets, dishes, glasses, cookware, shower curtain, and silverware. We even got a new dining room table.

With my biological clock ticking louder and louder everyday, it feels nice to be able to nest in this new place. I feel like it is going to be a good place for us to grow as a couple and maybe at some point, a family.

We have still been looking for a dog and have seen some good prospects but still haven’t quite felt that connection. We are holding out for the dog that it going to fit best with us.

On Saturday June 7th, 2009 at 4:20 am our niece Clara was born. 8 lbs. 12 oz and 20 ½ inches long. She is so adorable. It was amazing being able to see her and hold her for the first time. I can’t wait until I am able to experience that same thing with my own child someday.

It has been raining here in Maine for what seems like an eternity. I feel completely soggy, right down to the bone. I think it only didn’t rain on one of the days that we were moving into our new place. But then again it seems like it has been raining everywhere lately.

That’s all for me. Tell me internet, what’s happening in your world?

Filling In

2009-06-03T09:49:00.000-04:00

Hey, Everyone.

The Boss asked me to write a quick blurb here to let you all know why she hasn't posted in a while. Between working and preparing for our move, and in addition to being a bit under the weather, she just hasn't had the time to write anything new.

She promises something new sometime soon.

BAG

Feedback

2009-05-22T16:49:00.001-04:00

Thank you all for the wonderful suggestions for names for the tomboy in my new story. I still haven’t decided on a name yet but the gears are turning. I am still putting off my proposal for now. Once we are all moved and settled in I will work on it some more. I don’t yet have a literary agent but would like to look into getting one. If anyone has any contacts or suggestions please let me know.

The funny thing to me about my story is how long it took to write considering how short it is. I started the story in January of 2008. And I just finished it in February of this year. What started with just a name and a picture in my head turned out to be the story below. Any feedback you can give me is great. If you have children please read this to them and see what they think. I hope you enjoy.

THE ADVENTURES OF PHINEAS FEENEY

Phineas waited anxiously at the window. It was his fifth birthday and his Uncle Avery was coming to his party. Phineas was most excited for Uncle Avery to come because he gave the best presents. Just last year he had gotten him a goldfish for his birthday, named Hank.

Phineas shrieked with excitement as he saw Uncle Avery pull into the driveway.

“You’re here, you’re here!” Phineas exclaimed.

“Hey there, birthday boy! How old are you today, anyhow? Eighty, ninety, a hundred?” Uncle Avery joked.

“I’m five!” Phineas giggled.

Phineas didn’t know it yet, but his fifth birthday was going to be the best birthday ever.

The presents were piled up high on top of the picnic table. One package stood out from all the rest. It was a BIG red box. The box had pictures of spaceships, dinosaurs, and cowboys all over it.

Phineas couldn’t wait to open it and see what was inside. His mind ran wild.

A train set? He thought to himself. No, not a train set. New sneakers, the kind that light up when you walk? No, I know! It’s a Transformer!

Phineas’ face lit up, all full of excitement. He couldn’t wait until it was time for presents.

Happy Birthday had been sung and the cake had been eaten. Phineas knew it was time, present time.

“Why don’t you open this one first?” said Phineas’ mother, as she placed a big blue bag in front of him.

Phineas pulled out the tissue paper in the first bag, all the while keeping his eyes on the BIG red box.

"Wow!” Phineas shouted. “A dinosaur!” This was a present from his mom and dad, he had been hinting at it for a while. Truth be told he already knew they got it for him, but he acted excited anyways.

The time had come. In front of Phineas sat the BIG red box, waiting for him to unwrap it.

“Well, what are you waiting for, big guy?” asked Uncle Avery. “Go for it.”

Phineas tore through the paper. Pieces of red wrapping paper flew through the air. Spaceships, dinosaurs, and cowboys littered the yard. He opened the box and inside he found… a blanket.

“An old blanket?” Phineas asked, confused.

"Phineas, this isn’t just any old blanket,” explained Uncle Avery. “This is my magic blanket, and I am giving it to you.”

“Magic? How?” he asked.

“This blanket can take you anywhere you want to go. Anywhere in the world.”

The party finally ended and everyone went home. In the moonlit shadows of his bedroom, Phineas held onto the blanket Uncle Avery had given him.

“Anywhere, huh?” Phineas puzzled. “We’ll see.”

He stayed very quiet to make sure everyone else was upstairs and not right outside his bedroom. Phineas flung the blanket in the air and quickly belted underneath.

Nothing.

He made sure he was completely underneath the blanket. Still nothing.

Hmm…he thought to himself. I wonder how I get this thing to work.

Phineas got to thinking about what Uncle Avery had told him.

“You need to believe in it, or it won’t work.”

Time to try again. This time, believe. BELIEVE!

Phineas sat on his bed, surrounded by various toys he had received as presents that day. He clenched onto the blanket, trying to decide where he wanted it to take him. He thought of Disney World, the zoo, to see a baseball game, but he knew those were too easy. If this was truly a magic blanket, and he could go ANYWHERE he wanted, it wanted it to be really good.

He had all but given up when he looked out at his dinosaur that he got that day, and knew exactly where he wanted to go.

Phineas wrapped the blanket all around himself and thought about it. He closed his eyes and wished harder than he had ever wished for anything else. When Phineas opened his eyes, he couldn’t believe what he saw.

It was green everywhere he looked, as far as the eye could see. Green hills, trees, beautiful streams, and dinosaurs everywhere! Triceratops, pterodactyls, and T-Rex’s. There was a saber-toothed tigers and wooly mammoths. It was amazing! The blanket really was magical, just like Uncle Avery had said.

Phineas wandered around, exploring the magical place that his blanket had brought him to. Watching as pterodactyls flew overhead and a stegosaurus ate leaves from the tallest of trees.

He was so busy watching the stegosaurus eat that he wasn’t paying attention to where he was walking, and fell into the river he was walking beside.

Phineas flailed his arms and shouted for help.

“Help, help! I can’t swim!” he cried.

He was being swept further down the river and could no longer kick his feet.

“Someone, please help me!” Phineas said.

Phineas was floating further down the river and the current was growing stronger. He looked around for anything to grab hold of but nothing was there. Just as he thought all hope was lost something swept him up in the air and then he was once again on the safe dry grass that followed the river.

He looked up after he caught his breath and to his amazement, he saw a Brontosaurus.

“Thank you,” Phineas said.

The large, long-necked dinosaur just nodded his head and slowly made his way up the hill to the plentiful trees ahead.

Though he was still curious about this new land that the blanket had taken him to, Phineas had a sudden case of homesickness and wished to be back home, safe, in his own bed. He closed his eyes and hugged the blanket with all his might.

“I wish I was home,” Phineas said.

Nothing.

“Uh-oh, the water must have broke it. What do I do now?” Phineas wondered.

The sun was high in the sky and shining brightly on Phineas’ face. His clothes quickly dried under the warmth of the sun and that gave Phineas an idea. He jumped up off of the ground and sprinted over to the closest bush and laid out his blanket, hoping it would dry fast.

While waiting for the magic blanket to dry, Phineas sat on the grass next to the bush and observed the area around him, still not believing it was really true. But just to make sure, he decided to pinch himself.

“Ouch!” Phineas exclaimed. “That hurt, so this all must be real then, if it hurt when I pinched myself.”

The pterodactyls flying overhead sang a song of protection as they closely guarded the field in which Phineas sat. Still waiting for his blanket to dry, Phineas ran up the hill to see what was on the other side. What he saw before him was most interesting of all.

At the bottom of the hill there were large eggs, similar in color to Easter eggs. They each were in their own little nest and around them were pieces of broken eggshells. Running all around the eggs were baby dinosaurs. They smacked each other with their tails, jumped on one another and made this silly noise that sounded similar to a laugh.

Phineas chuckled while watching the little dinosaurs play with one another. Realizing that they weren’t so different to how he and his friends played. They pushed each other playfully and ran out from behind things to scare each other and played tricks on one another. It made Phineas realize that even though they weren’t the same, maybe they weren’t so different. They were helpful when someone was in need, and kept a close eye on the ones that could not yet defend themselves. In many ways this land was completely foreign to him, but yet at the same time it was comfortingly familiar.

Phineas ran back down the other side of the hill to retrieve his blanket. Once he had it, he held it close and closed his eyes as hard as he could and said, “I wish I was home!”

He opened his eyes and found himself safely under the dinosaur printed covers of his own bed. Safe and sound at home.

Update

2009-05-16T14:35:00.000-04:00

I have been working on a Children’s book for the past year and a half. I am finally done and have the completed final draft, free of grammatical errors and only a few run on sentences. I am now in the process of putting off on doing my proposal for said book. Mainly because writing book proposals SUCKS.

So in the mean time I have been doing some drawing, trying to come up with my next character for a new children’s book. I believe I have one now. However I do not yet have a name for her. All I know is that she is going to be a tough tomboy. Any ideas for girly names that would have a tomboy nickname?

On another note, I finally went to the doctor last week about my excessive bleeding that I was having a few weeks back. And unfortunately it is a uterine polyp. I have surgery scheduled for the end of July, as that was the soonest they could get me in. I am still a little peeved with the doctor, mostly because I just had surgery at the end of January and this could have been taken care of then. I am trying not to dwell on it too much, but I feel as if I am not doing a very good job. But enough about that.

It has been a crazy week so I have not been able to post, but I will be back in full force this upcoming week.

Random Anecdote

2009-05-05T13:44:00.000-04:00

This weekend Badass and I went to the animal shelter. We weren’t seriously considering getting a pet, but I like to visit the shelter to play with the puppies and kitties and let them know that even though no one has adopted them yet that they are loved. I do this probably at least once a month. Even more in the summer time.

I always end up falling in love with an animal and wanting to take them home and the Badass has to be the practical one and tell me that we can’t get a cat/dog right now. Even though I know he’s not the bad guy and I know we can’t take anything home, I still pout the whole way home.

But this weekend we saw a dog that was gorgeous; her name was Lila and she way a miniature Sheltie Papillion mix. She was a year and a half and only weighed 5-6 lbs. She had come from a puppy mill and she was very timid. Though she was adorable we did not feel an emotional connection with her, and needless to say we didn’t take her home.

We also looked at an apartment this weekend that is only ten minutes from my job. I have been driving an hour each way since the beginning of March for work, so ten minutes will be wonderful. And the apartment building also allows for us to have a small dog. So I am very excited. Sometimes things just seem to fall into place. So for the next month it is going to be nothing but sorting, packing, and cleaning. This will be the 7th place that we have lived in, in just under 4 years. We move a lot. But we have not gotten any better at it.

So tell me O’blogosphere do you have any tips for moving painlessly and efficiently?

Guilty Pleasures

2009-05-01T17:20:00.001-04:00

First and foremost I want to thank everyone for the very warm welcome into the blogosphere. You make a girl feel loved!

Secondly, I am about to let you all in on a semi-embarrassing guilty pleasure.

Badass and I are self proclaimed movie buffs. We own hundreds of movies and watch them so many times that we can quote them, without even having the movie on. We know all the quotes so well that we fit them into parts of our everyday life. (We’re lame, and we know it.) Our preferred movie genres are horror, suspense, and anything based on a comic book. I especially like the really vulgar, gory, and campy D list movies. Like Lost Boys II; The Tribe. The movie was completely cheesy and lame, but I LOVE it! If you are a fan of the original, chances are you will like this one too.

The other movies that Badass and I can’t get enough of are vulgar comedies starring Seth Rogen. Seth Rogen, who I find oddly attractive, would TOTALLY be friends with us, if he knew who the hell we are. Which he doesn’t and probably won’t. Oh, well his loss.

Now, whenever asked what my favorite movies are I instinctively answer: The Breakfast Club, Almost Famous, and The Lost Boys. ( I truly am an 80’s girl.) But honestly, the real answer to what is my favorite movie, is You’ve Got Mail. I can’t help it, I LOVE that movie. It makes me feel better when I am sick, helps me to fall asleep at night, and instantly puts me in a better mood after watching it. It truly is my guilty pleasure.

So, tell me internet, what movie is your guilty pleasure?

Normal

2009-04-28T12:18:00.000-04:00

Have you ever gone to the doctor with a symptom that you think is serious, just to be told “Don’t worry about it, it is perfectly normal.”? When you being the person who lives in your body 24/7 365, know that something isn’t right?

Today is day 11 of my menstrual cycle. I have Endometriosis and Polycystic Ovarian Disease, and had surgery at the end of January to remove the excess endometrial tissue and to make sure that none of my Ovarian Cysts were tumors. This is my first menstrual cycle since the surgery, but still 11 days? Are you fucking kidding me?

On Saturday, day 8, I started to freak out. I have NEVER had my cycle for more than 5 days before, and at my post-op appointment the doctor said nothing about excessive bleeding for an extended period ( no pun intended) of time. So yesterday (day 10) I went to see the doctor.

Very nonchalantly the doctor told me that irregular bleeding is normal when first starting back on my birth control, and also it could be caused by a polyp in the uterus. He said that when I had my surgery (a Laparoscopy) that they saw something that could be a polyp but it wasn’t big enough yet to tell. So now in 2 weeks I have a Saline Infusion Ultrasound scheduled to see if it is a polyp or not.

I hate it when doctors downplay things that sound serious, or tell you that what you are experiencing is NORMAL, even though you don’t feel normal. It is so pompous of them to think that throwing around words like polyp and normal is ok. Where I come from having polyps inside your uterus is NOT OK!

So according to the doctor my cycle should stop sometime this week. Almost 2 weeks later, well I should fucking hope so! And then I will have my procedure on May 11th and we will know what is going on at that point.

So tell me, have you ever had a symptom that freaked you out and your doctor told you it was normal? Inquiry minds want to know.

Memories

2009-04-15T12:44:00.000-04:00

Last night as I was standing outside in the cool spring air, I was struck with an overwhelming feeling of both joy and sorrow. It made me think about when I was growing up on what used to be my family’s goat farm. Springtime was when all the goats would have their babies, so it was always and exciting time. And for me, it was my favorite time.

I remember we had a baby monitor set up from the barn to the living room, so that when one of the goats would go into labor we would be able to hear it. Most of the time it would be about 2am and my parents would hear the beginnings or labor and they would wake me up to go down to the barn with them. We would go and sit in the barn and give the mother warm water and a salt lick, this usually helped them calm down a bit. My job was to make sure that the kids’ airways were clear once they came out. I would hold the newborn baby goat in a towel and use a warm washcloth to remove fluid from their mouths and noses. I know it sounds gross but it truly is an amazing thing to watch new life being born and to be part of the process to make sure that the animal is okay. Of course with any species there are always going to be stillborns and babies that don’t quite make it for whatever reason. But I do have to say that in all the years that my family had the farm we were lucky enough to have only a few casualties in the birthing process.

At the time I didn’t understand how truly magical it all was and how special it was that I got the chance to be a part of it. But now that it is no longer a part of my life, I miss it. I miss getting up at 2am to go watch as new life is brought into the world, missing school that day to take care of the newborn kids, and running in the fields with several feisty goat babies on my heels. My favorite part was lying down in the field and letting them jump all over me. I would lie on my stomach and they would climb on my back like I was a mountain.

Around the same time that I moved out of my parent’s house (around 4 years ago) my parents got rid of the goats. My mother has many health issues, and with me moving out my father no longer had help on the farm. They are now down to meat chickens in the summer and a few laying hens year round. It makes me sad to think about it being spring time and there not being any baby goats being born on my parent’s farm. But I understand that my parents aren’t exactly spring chickens anymore and it would be too much work for them alone. But a part of me wishes that I could go down to their house and play with some baby goats right now. At least I have that time of my life to reflect on and think of all the good memories that I made.

A Yearning

2009-04-09T13:09:00.000-04:00

It seems to me that whenever you put an idea out into the world that soon after that is all you hear about. This summer I had decided that I was ready to have a baby. I had been feeling that yearning for a while but on my birthday, in August, I finally told my husband. Unfortunately, even though I was more than ready, he was not. We had a long tearful discussion about it and finally came to the conclusion that we would wait. The reasons for our waiting were as follows: my husband has a neurological condition and he has a legion on his brain that we still aren’t sure what it is. Also, I have Endometriosis and Polycystic Ovarian Disease. I have since had surgery and everything seems to be functioning fine, though I am not completely cured. My husband wanted me to get the surgery to get me healthier and also wanted to know what the legion on his brain was before we tried to have children. It is now becoming more and more obvious that we may never know what the mass on his brain is. His other reason is that the idea of having children scares the crap out of him.

Not long after that discussion we found out that my husband’s older sister who is just shy of two months older than me was Pregnant. I love my sister-in-law and I am so happy for her and I can’t wait to be an Auntie, but at the same time I am insanely jealous. To make matters worse on Valentine’s Day we got a call from my husband’s younger sister, announcing that she too was pregnant.

I am not normally a jealous person, but when you want something so badly and it seems like you are the only one who does not have it, it makes you go a little crazy. I have come to terms with the fact that my husband isn’t ready to have children, although that kills me. I am hoping that once our niece is born he will warm up to the idea, but only time will tell. For now all I can do is cross my fingers.

A Single Shoe

2009-04-02T15:36:00.000-04:00

Have you ever seen a shoe on the side of the road and wondered, where’s the other one? Ever since I was a kid, when driving down the road and I’d see a shoe I always asked, “what happened to the other shoe?” My parents never seemed to have a good enough answer for me. I could tell by how long it took them to answer that they were trying to quickly formulate an answer.

Since becoming an adult, I have found myself inexplicably interested in reading about True Crime. One might not think that having an interest in such things would be weird, but that’s not where it ends. I have over 20 books on True Crime, Serial Killers, and Mass murderers. I even frequent the TruTV website to read up on updates on past cases I have read about.

So from being an incredibly imaginative person and having a weird obsession with reading about serial killers, every time I now see a shoe on the side of the road my mind now jumps to worst case scenario conclusions.

For instance, this morning I was in my car making the one hour trip to work as I do every morning, and I saw a women’s jogging sneaker on the side of the road. Not two, just one. Most people would think to themselves “Huh, weird.” But not me. This is what my mind calculates from the one shoe on the side of the road…

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It was early in the morning when *Jennie* decided to go for a jog. She laced up her new jogging shoes, grabbed her iPod, and headed out into the early morning fog. She planned on jogging for 45 minutes and then going back home to shower and get ready for her job as a paralegal at a local law firm. The air was clean and refreshing as she breathed it into her lungs. The sun had not yet risen and the only sign of life was the sound of birds high up in the tree tops. Disturbed’s “Over burdened”, blared on Jennie’s iPod and she turned the corner that would be her last.

Around the corner he waited for her, listening to the sound that her shoes made as they hit the soft sand on the side of the road. She didn’t even see him crouched down beside the old rusted out Chevy truck, she wouldn’t have, because she wasn’t even looking. He quietly got up from his crouched position and came up from behind her. Locking his arm around her throat she didn’t even have a chance to scream. Jennie kicked and flailed her body until she was completely weak. As darkness overcame her she realized, she never even had a chance.

As the sun came up on the brisk April morning all that was left behind of Jennie, was a single women’s jogging sneaker left on the side of the road.

See, demented. Normal people would not let their minds jump to these absurd conclusions.

The Unknown

2009-03-25T13:48:00.000-04:00

Do you ever find your mind wandering off and obsessing over things that are completely ridiculous? I often catch my self doing this at work when it gets slow. A lot of the time it revolves around the what ifs. For instance what if when I was 7 my parents hadn’t moved to Maine? If we had stayed in New Hampshire would I have still gone to the same college and met my husband? Or what if during my first year of college the school hadn’t have dropped my major, would I have stayed there? Would I have stayed in a unhealthy, mentally abusive relationship, or was my moving away the only solution to get out of it?

Though these questions and more constantly plague me and my brain sometimes gets tired from the constant analysis, I can’t help but think about what might have been. Don’t get me wrong I am insanely happy with how my life turned out and I couldn’t ask for a better husband. But I still can’t seem to stop myself from thinking about things/people that are no longer a part of my life.

There are things that have stuck with me since childhood that make me wonder if these people hadn’t been in my life, would I have turned out the same way? So many of us take for granted the teachers, mentors, and friends that we have had throughout the years. The plan truth is that these people have had a significant role in shaping us to be the people we are today. Even though I have regrets in some aspects of my life I would not change anything. Every bad experience plays a part in the overall makeup of the world around us. Not to say that good experiences don’t, but not many of us think about going back to change a good experience.

I guess what I am trying to say is that even though my life is by no means perfect, I’m happy. I am satisfied with the person I have become and interested to see the person I might be 25 years from now. I have found a man who truly loves me for me, quirks and all, and it intrigues me to know that this is just the beginning.

Contact

2009-03-20T03:10:00.000-04:00

Under Construction.

About Me

2009-03-20T03:00:00.000-04:00

Under Construction